Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
