You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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