Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
