So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
