Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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