Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
