I think I died a long time ago.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
And then he peed in my hair
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