My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I believe in your delicious
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
