Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
