So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
