i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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