I think I won the penis lottery.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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