Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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