i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
