matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize