I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
