Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
