i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
