There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
