So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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