I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Randomize
