i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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