shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize