So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
