piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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