I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
