i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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