I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
