Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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