Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
