i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
