The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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