He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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