did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
