It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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