Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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