All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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