This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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