You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
