From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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