I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
