So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
