You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
