Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
