I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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