so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I haven't been this sober since birth.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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