that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
