There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize