My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
