i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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