i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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