When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
