Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
