Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
