Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
