Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
