I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
