why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
two words...techno handjob
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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