you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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