i just sold back the books i vomitted on
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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