he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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