A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
