my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
