Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
