great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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