the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Acid is not a monday night drug
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
