My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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