im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
