Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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