this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
