i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
