Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Randomize
