I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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